doubting myself is becoming more common nowadays. it somehow felt like i no longer trust myself, sometimes the feeling borders sceptism with a slight tinge of disgust - like the aftertaste when you puke a little in your mouth after too much beer.

for starters i am not sure if this is ever going to be my final semester. everything i've planned backfired and i am now dealing with a mass of, things, that i can't seem to handle. or can i? i really don't know. and i go lying (with a smile) that everything's in control when people ask. i fear of what might happen if i stick with what im doing, yet i can't bear to just back-off right now. not after all that's been done.

i never get it when people say they're in an emotional roller-coaster. now i do. and the one i'm in now is damn wicked.

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